Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Squeeze it In

Just when I think I will never come up with anything notable to write about…life happens.  FYI:   If embarrassing stories about poop is not your cup of tea you might wanna stop reading now. 

           So, this morning I get up and try to get out of the house in enough time to make it to the early Fusion class.  Unfortunately, traffic was a little crazy so I was running about 10 minutes late.  Instead of walking in late I decided to stop, get coffee, and blog while I wait for class to start.  I’ve learned this lesson about coffee before but for some reason today I thought it would be fine.  Sometimes, for me, drinking a cup of coffee (I use the term “cup of coffee” a little loosely since it’s at least half milk) is the equivalent to 10 Fiber One bars in one sitting. 

           So, anyway, I’m sitting there trying to come up with something funny to write about facebooking and I realize I need to go to the ladies—not surprised.  I look at my phone and I see I have about 30 minutes til class starts so I tell myself I will get my stuff together in 5, use the restroom, and make it to class in plenty of time. 

(Fast forward……Please I’m not going to describe the actual act of elimination!)


            When I finish I reach up to grab the toilet paper and realize there is none!  So, I sort of sat there waiting for someone to come in and use the stall next to me….no one ever comes.  10 minutes later I realize I need to get going if I’m going to make it to Fusion at all.  So, I pull my pants up (a little) not all the way (gross) and I unlock the stall and start waddling over to the one next door (no toilet paper there either), and so I start to make my way over to sink to get some paper towel (cause seriously, I need to wipe my butt) and at that exact moment a little old lady walks in.  I must have startled her (you know, with my butt all hanging out and all) because she totally yelped and her then her husband hurried over to see what was wrong…and yes, he saw me practically fall down as I hurry back to the stall.  

           One word:  Mortified.  Lesson learned?  NEVER poop in public---squeeze it in.

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