Family Friends and Relationships

Family.  Friends.  And relationships.  I’ve been thinking a lot about these labels recently.  More importantly when do you sever ties?  How many unreturned calls/texts can go by before you think someone could care less if they’re in your life.  How many declined invites finally add up to letting go?  How many pleas for attention does someone have to make before they make peace with the fact that a family member, spouse, or lifelong friend wouldn’t really notice if the effort ceased?

A girlfriend of mine recently cut a friend out of her life and while it broke her heart it was a long time coming.  Well, she didn’t actually “cut” this friend out of her life; her friend had already done that with sporadic replies and vaguely masked excuses as to why they never spent time together and my friend made the decision to stop caring (aka cut this friend out of her life)...it killed her to throw away such a long friendship.I was impressed with her strength.   

And so I’ve been thinking about my relationships.  Just because someone is family doesn’t necessarily a best friend make.   Just because you’ve stayed friends with someone despite an impossible fremeny complex doesn’t mean that person is a good friend.   So, when do you make that decision?  Do you give them another chance?  An opportunity to show you that while they’ve basically ignored all invites, phone calls, and attempts to log time that they DO want to be in your life?  Sure people get busy.  And trust me, I’ve bailed on my fair share of plans, but at some point, you have to cut your losses and move on (which I’m certain a few friends have done with me a time or two.)  I’m not talking about the new mother kind of friendship abandonment either; I’m talking about the careless, indifferent kind of abandonment.

And what about sisters.  Sisters are supposed to be the keeper of secrets--- the one who knows you better than anyone—the first call in a crisis or moment of elation. But what if your sister has little to no interest in your life or sharing hers?  What if your sister had no interest in spending time with you or at times even makes you wonder if she even likes you?  Do you just throw up your arms and say oh, well or do you try to spend more time with her?  And when do you stop trying?

Every friendship is different and every family has it’s issues but when do you take yourself out of negative and unfulfilling equations and surround yourself with people that actually want to be there?  Friendships change and priorities shift but there are usually a few people in your life that will be there for the long haul.  The ones you can call and pick up exactly where you left off no matter how many hours or days or months go by.  But what do you do with the relationships that never pick up?  Or the friendships that are completely one sided?

I talk to my dad almost every day.  Some days he calls and others I call him.  And if we missed a day we are both calling the next.   If I stop calling, he notices.  And I have a lot of friendships that ebb and flow in the same give and take manor.  There is something comforting about knowing someone wants to talk to you too....but what do you do with the other ones?